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Emotional Abuse

When God gives us life, He also supplies the materials we need for "construction" of spirit, soul, and body. When we raise our children with God's blueprint we have His Word that their characters will be strong and unshakable, founded upon the Rock. Abusive parents ignore God's design, and thus raise their children with no such blueprint. Instead they build them on the shifting sands of their own erratic whims and selfish choices.

Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share In His holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the lime, but painful Later on, however, It produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it Hebrews 12:10-11

In His Word, God provides us with the healthy and appropriate forms of discipline necessary to raising children. These guidelines are examined at length in this lesson, and contrasted with the damaging behaviors of emotionally abusive parents, whose arbitrary and inconsistent responses destroy the natural sense of justice God supplies to our spirits.

Godly discipline is meant to give a child control. Abuse takes the control away from a child. Godly discipline draws a clear line which, the child must not cross. See, I am setting before you today a blessing and a curse.
The blessing jf you obey... the curse if
You disobey. . Deuteronomy 11:26. Abuse blurs and changes
boundary lines at a whim.

Godly discipline fits the punishment to the crime. In the abusive situation, punishment is arbitrary, inconsistent and often unfair. Godly discipline distinguishes between mistakes and deliberate acts of sin. Numbers .35:17; Numbers 35:25
Unfortunately to an abuser, there are no accidents; someone is always to blame.

Godly discipline enables a child to please, where abuse demands the child please the parents, yet makes it impossible to do so. Godly discipline teaches a chore by increments; abuse expects performance without instruction Matthew 23:4. Godly discipline is "age-appropriate" Deuteronomy 30:11; if Corinthians 10:13

Godly discipline cuts off guilt. It clothes the child in righteousness Psalm 103:12; Hebrews12:10.

Abuse attaches guilt to the child

It uses lecturing to force the child into right thinking

It reminds child of past sins

It makes terrible predictions of the future

It labels the sinner rather then the sin

It does not welcome back the child

It gives few rewards or compliments

Godly discipline gives the child a voice. It declares the child
innocent wherever possible

Job 33:32 Abuse allows no self defense. Godly discipline allows appropriate ways to vent Psalms 77:88. Abuse provokes a child to feel, then does
not allow any emotional outlet.

Godly discipline honors uniqueness and strengthens a child's will. Abuse erases all interpersonal boundaries Proverbs 22:6 Abuse sees disagreement as defiance, and punishes it. Abuse does not encourage the child to be herself, with a unique personality, likes and dislikes, and talents. Instead the child must mirror the parents. If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? I Corinthians 12:17

The adult victim of child abuse does not feel in control of life. She cannot feel forgiven. She finds it hard to distinguish if and when she is innocent. She doesn't feel like she can be herself, or that she has permission to feel badly about any unhealthy situation. She feels as though she is bad no matter who is at fault.

Ministry to victims of emotional abuse

Educate: Help to restore innate sense of justice by teaching how to hold others accountable Romans 14:12. Teach her how to declare her innocence. Teach her to see
that the discipline must match the crime. I John 5:16; John 19:11; Deuteronomy 22:21; Leviticus 6:1-5

Minister to fear of emotions. Validate emotions, and help her to see them as manageable in the healing process Isaiah 53:4,5; Psalms 119:1 05. Help her to see that the obligation to forgive doesn't require putting an immediate end to negative feelings
Ephesians 4:26-27

Have her confess, repent, and forgive. Pronounce a parent's blessing upon the client.

Central to the problem of emotionally abusive parents is the sin of usurping God. These parents subject their children to rules of their own making, but fail to be governed by God's rules for raising and loving their children. They govern their children to please themselves instead of the Father, and put their own shifting codes in place of God's never-changing moral law. Thus they occupy His place- most often administering unforgiveness and guilt in the place of appropriate consequences and cleansing forgiveness and love.

As a result, it becomes almost impossible for emotionally abused children to understand they are loved and accepted after doing wrong. God's consequences always end in righteousness, but abuse fosters only quilt and condemnation. These do not fulfill the purpose of God's discipline, which is to build us and bring us closer to Him.


Leviticus 6:1-5 - The Lord said to Moses: "If anyone sins and is unfaithful to the Lord by deceiving his neighbor about something entrusted to him or left in his care or stolen, or if he cheats him, or if he finds lost property and lies about it, or if he swears falsely, or. If he commits any such sin that people may do- when he thus sins and becomes guilty, he must return what he has stolen or taken by extortion, or what was entrusted to him, or the lost property he found, or whatever it was he swore falsely about. He must make restitution in full, add a fifth of the value to it and give it all to the owner on the day he presents his guilt offering"

Leviticus20:27-A man or woman who is a medium or spiritist among you must be put to death. You are to stone them; their blood will be on their own heads.

Numbers 35:16-18, 22-25 - "'If a man strikes someone with an iron object so that he dies, he is a murderer; the murderer shall be put to death. Or if anyone has a stone in his hand that could kill, and he strikes someone so that he dies, he is a murderer; the murderer shall be put to death. Or if anyone has a wooden object in his hand that could kill, and he hits someone so that he dies, he is a murderer; the murderer shall be put to death. . . But if without hostility someone suddenly shoves another or throws something at him unintentionally, or, without seeing him, drops a stone on him that could kill him, and he dies, then since he was not his enemy and he did not intend to harm him, the assembly must judge between him and the avenger of blood according to these regulations. The assembly must protect the one accused of murder from the avenger of blood and send him back to the city of refuge to which he fled. He must stay there until the death of the high priest, who was anointed with the holy oil."
Deuteronomy 11:26 - See, I am setting before you today a blessing and a curse-the blessing if you obey the commands of the Lord your God that I am giving you today; the curse if you disobey the commands of the Lord your God and turn from the way that I command you today by following other gods, which you have not known.

Deuteronomy22:2l- ...she shall be brought to the door of her father's house and there the men of her town shall stone her to death. She has done a disgraceful thing in Israel by being promiscuous while still in her father's house. You must purge the evil from Israel.

Deuteronomy3O:11 -Now what I am commanding you today is not too difficult for you or beyond your reach.

Deuteronomy 30:19 - . . .1 have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live.

Job 33:32-33-"If you have anything to say, answer; speak up, for I want you to be cleared. But if not, then listen to me; be silent, and Twill teach you wisdom."

Psalm 32:8 - I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you.

Psalm 77- I cried out to God for help; I cried out to God to hear me! When I was in distress, I sought the Lord! At night I stretched out untiring hands! And my soul refused to be comforted. I remembered you, O God, and I groaned; / I mused, and my spirit grew faint. / You kept my eyes from closing; I was too troubled to speak. 1 thought about the former days, in the years of long ago; I
remembered my songs in the night. My heart mused and my spirit inquired: "Will the Lord reject us forever? Will he never show his favor again? / Has his unfailing love vanished forever? / Has his promise failed for all time? Has God forgotten to be merciful? / Has he in anger withheld his compassion?' (Selah)! Then I thought, "To this will appeal: the years of the right hand of the Most High"! I will remember the deeds of the Lord; / yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago! I will meditate on all your works! And consider all your mighty deeds.
Your ways, 0 God, are holy! What god is so great as our God? You are the God who performs miracles; you display your power among the peoples! With your mighty arm you redeemed your people, the descendants of Jacob and Joseph.

(Selah)! The waters saw you, 0 God, the waters saw you and writhed; the very depths were convulsed, The clouds poured down water and the skies resounded with thunder; your arrows flashed back and forth! Your thunder was heard in the whirl-wind! Your lightning lit up the world; the earth trembled and quaked!
Your path led through the sea, / your way through the mighty waters, though your footprints were not seen. You led your people like a flock! by the hand of Moses and Aaron.

Psalm 88 -0 Lord, the God who saves me, day and night I cry out before you.! May my prayer come before you;! turn your ear to my cry.! For my soul is full of trouble! and my life draws near the grave.! I am counted among those who go down to the pit! I am like a man without strength. I am set  apart with the dead, like the slain who lie in the grave! Whom You remember no more, who are cut off from your care. You have put me in the lowest pit, in the darkest depths. Your wrath lies heavy upon me;                                                                                                  

 You have overwhelmed me with all your waves. (Selah)!You have taken me from my closest friends! And have made me repulsive to them.! I am confined and cannot escape; my eyes are dim with grief. I call to you; 0 Lord, every day; I spread my hands out to you. Do you show your wonders to the dead? Do those who are dead rise up and praise you? (Selah) Is Your love declared in the grave? your faithfulness in Destruction? Are your wonders known in the place of darkness; or your righteous deeds in the land of oblivion? But I cry to you for help, 0 Lord! In the morning my prayer comes before You. Why; O Lord, do you reject me? And hide your face from me? From my youth I have been afflicted and dose to death; I have suffered your terrors and am in despair. Your wrath has swept over me; your terrors have destroyed me. All day long they surround me like a flood; they have openly engulfed me! You have taken my companions and loved ones from me! The darkness is my closest friend.

Psalm 103:12 -. . As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

Psalms 119:105 - Your word is a lamp to my feet! And a light for my path.

Psalm 139:13-14 - For you created my inmost being! You knit me together in my mother's womb. ! I praise you because I am fearfully and wonder-fully made...

Proverbs 22:6 - Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.

Proverbs22: 1 - A good name is more desirable than great riches; to be esteemed is better than silver or gold.

Isaiah 53:4-5 - Surely he took up our infirmities I and carried our sorrow, /yet we considered him stricken by God, / smitten by him, and afflicted. I But Vie was pierced for our transgressions, / he was crushed for our iniquities; / the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, I and by his wounds we are healed.


Matthew 10:30-31 - "And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. See also Luke

Matthew 23:4 - "They tie up heavy loads and put them on men's shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to lift a finger to move them."

John 10:18 - "No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord. I have authority to lay it down and authority to take it up again. This command I received from my Father."

John 19:10-11 - "Do you refuse to speak to me?" Pilate said. "Don't you realize I have the power either to free you or to crucify you?"
Jesus answered, "You would have no power over me if it were not given to you from above. Therefore the one who handed me over to you is guilty of a greater sin."

Romans 14:12 - So then, each of us will give an account of himself to God.
I Corinthians 10:13 - No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

I Corinthians 12:17 - If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be?

Ephesians 4:26-27 - "In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.

Hebrews 12:10-12 - Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

I Timothy 5:1 - Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father.

I John 5:16 -If anyone sees his brother commit a sin that does not lead to death, he should pray and God will give him life.

Revelation 3:20 - "Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me.

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Site Last Updated: October 23,2023