Profile of an Abuser

Although this lesson deals with abusers in general, this lesson will lean
toward the sexual abuser. Sexual abusers are often charming, intelligent
people who serve as teachers, Scout leaders, day care workers, and
ministers. Although they may be completely sincere in their Conscious
desires to help others, they are more deeply and powerfully
motivated by the need to find well being and fulfithrough the very ones they seek to serve.

This lesson offers a general description of the history and character of a
potential sexual abuser. Those who fit many aspects of this profile, who
have never become abusers,
should praise God and ask Him to heal areas of
vulnerability by the power of the cross. Those who seek to minister to
abusers may begin to respond with increased understanding and compassion,
not to excuse their sin, but to be prepared to help them deal
with it at the
root level.

It would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck and he
were thrown into the sea, than that he should cause one of these little ones to stumble.
Luke 17:2

Profile of the abuser

Less than 10% are mentally ill. These people are often charming,
intelligent, but emotionally immature and socially inept. They are often
involved in service-oriented occupations and activities.
Although they have
a conscious desire to help others, unconsciously they are motivated by a
self-centered need to find well-being and fulfillment through those
to whom they minister.

They tend to try to satisfy hungers and needs in non-threatening situations
where they can feel expansive and helpful, but in which they are in control.
This is not about love. It is about self-gratification.

Early woundings mold the abuser

In all likelihood, the abuser was unwanted, not valued, or nurtured by
They may have been neglected physically or emotionally. Physical,
emotional and sexual abuse is almost a certainty. They may have been
lacerated by criticism, or smothered by possessiveness and control.

The child that responds to these wounds becomes strongly
performance-oriented, but with a sense of futility (it works out for
everyone, but me). He/she believes it is dangerous to express true feelings,
and thus suppresses them. He/she builds defensive walls, as family provides
no safe place. He/she develops a heart of stone.

Results in the adult life

A persons inner balance is destroyed, evidenced by confusion, and
agitation. Digestive, and sleep problems can occur, plus growing pressures
of unfulfilled needs. Procrastination may become a real problem in the areas
of organizing time, energies, and a failure to complete projects. If the
individual tends to lose one job after another it tends to be the fault of
someone other than himself or herself.

The individuals perceptions can be impaired. He/she doesn't discern
accurately, especially where reputation or position is involved.
This person
demands the focus and attention. He or she appears to be a compulsive
authority on every subject, as well as being very controlling.

Anger and judgments can be at a high level of combustibility.

These driving forces can be inappropriate, and his/her fuse
can be very short.
This individual is usually manipulative and tends to exploit flaws in others.
They fear intimacy because it lends itself to vulnerability. If you are
vulnerable you lack control.

These individuals tend to avoid efforts for real growth. They resist
counseling for fear of discovery. Relationships become secondary to self- interests, and they may be in a group, but not part of it.
They tend to have
a need to push and defile others. They seem not to have strength of spirit
for self-discipline. He/she may develop habits and practices
to comfort self in isolation, i.e., hobbies
(in order to keep them self busy, preventing
participation with others) drugs, alcohol, and masturbation.

Addiction to masturbation grows when a person
experiences a momentary sense
of well being and thus becomes addicted to the comfort and pleasure it
provides. He/she Identifies sexuality in genital pleasure rather than in
meeting and blessing another.
He/she may seek out new sexual experiences to
satisfy increased hunger for comfort and pleasure, while the real need is
never satisfied.

A scenario of incest in a Christian family

A potential male abuser accepts the Lord. He focuses
on teaching liturgy and
theology, rather than the healing relationship of Jesus.
When he marries, he
possesses, demands, bargains, and controls. Sex is like masturbation; it
serves as a form of self-gratification. He tends to treat his wife like an
object as opposed to a partner. His spouse feeling used, often withdraws
from her husband. When the abusers' wife withdraws,
he will be drawn to his children in an unclean way. The children are non-threatening, small frail,
trusting, plus he can play the hero. The daughter appropriately seeks
fathers love and attention, and he wants to be needed, chosen, and
important and responds out of immaturity and sickness. His daughter may
remind him of how his wife used to be, or is suppose to be. He begins to
embrace the child and long-suppressed emotions and desires flood up in
confusion. He runs on his practiced track of self-gratification and violates
his daughter.

Reactions of the abuser to his sin

Before he is discovered he may experience fear,
self-preservation, and he
may even threaten his child to prevent her from telling.

After he is discovered, he may deny the accusation. If he does own it, he
will minimize the offense. After he minimizes
the offense he may rationalize
what he has done by accusing his wife of not satisfying his needs.

Rarely does the abuser have any concept of the harm done to the child. He will repeat. He must be separated from
the victim until he brings forth
fruits in keeping with repentance. Matthew 3:8, Acts 26:20 The abuser not
the victim needs to be removed from the house.

Healing for the abuser

From the church they need unconditional love and loving confrontation;
compassion and forgiveness, and support through friendship, and intercessory

From Those who minister they need recognition of root causes of problems
Ephesians 5:13,
Luke 6:43-45.
They will need help in coming to the full acknowledgment and
confession of sins.

James 5:16

This would include a clear message to the
victim that the abuser alone is responsible. The abuser should ask
forgiveness from the victim and all injured by his actions.
I Corinthians 12:26
The victim should be the one to determine when this takes place. The victim must feel comfortable and safe, not the abuser.
This is all part of
the restitution process.

The abuser needs to forgive those who wounded him in childhood.

(Matthew 6: 14-15)

Encourage client to repent and
ask forgiveness for sinful responses
to hurts
I John 1:9; John 20:23.
Give assurance of forgiveness spoken aloud
over the client healing his wounded spirit and creation of a new and right
Ezekiel 36: 26;
Psalm 51:10;
II Corinthians 1:3-6
Pray aloud to bring to death structures in the spirit man
Colossians 3:1-6;
Romans 8:13.
Help them with disciplines to walk in the new way.
Romans 6:11-14;
II Timothy 1:7; Hebrews 12:10

Focus and teach about:

"h The laws of God

"h The sanctity of marriage

"h The holiness of sex

"h The functions of a fathers love

"h The blessings of self-sacrifice

"h Identification of love

Pray that God will free him to grow to maturity through love and teaching.
Pray for true discernment to determine when client has repented and is
capable to live a life which produces the fruit of repentance
season after season.
Matthew 3:8

The wounds of a sexual abuse are deep and scarring,
and the sexual abuser must be disciplined for his offense.
But we must remember that we are
dealing with one who wounded others out of his own woundedness,
and that his
discipline should not be a means for our revenge,
but for his good.

The abuser needs to be held accountable and made to suffer enough of the consequences of his actions to
write Gods lessons upon his heart. But as
Christians we are called not only to hold a brother accountable for his
sins, but also to forgive him.
Luke 17:4
As we minister to sexual abusers,
we must examine our own hearts to ensure our motivations are in tune with
the will and the motivation of God.
Romans 2:4

They have forfeited their right to minister to children! You would not put a
person who has had an addiction to alcohol behind a bar to serve drinks.
This is putting to much temptation on him/her, so for the same reason you
would not put a child molester in an area where he/she would have the
temptation or opportunity to abuse again.

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Site Last Updated: October 23, 2023