If our hearts are pure we will be able to comprehend the glorious nature of God and relate to Him in blessed intimacy. But when bitterness and judgements are lodged in our hearts, our perception of God becomes distorted and our relationship with Him becomes crippled.

Blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God. Matthew 5:8

He who curse his father and mother, his lamp will go out in time of darkness. Proverbs 20:20

In our infancy and childhood, mothers and fathers model a picture of God for us. By how they act and what they do, we "see" what God is like. We interpret each succeeding experience through the lens of judgements we have made, and the expectations we have developed in response to the relationship that we have with our parents.

If we have made many judgements, our views of life and God become distorted. By the time we reach adulthood our mind, has been taught to believe that it is God's desire to love and bless us, however, our heart says, "OH, yeah? He's just like dad (or mom). We are not capable of seeing life the way it really is. We have colored lenses attached to our eyes. We see everything from a wounded or distorted view. The lenses can only be removed after there is confession, repentance, forgiveness and the habits, patterns and structures have been put to death on the cross. Once this is accomplished God will be seen clearly, because we will have received a new heart and mind.

Our relationship with Father God

Many Christians have a problem coming into relationship with Father God. We know that His abundant love is available in our head, but the "log jam" in our heart blocks any real intimacy with Him.

The child judges the parents

The children form both accurate and inaccurate. Judgements about parents, which color his/her relationship with God in adulthood. Angers get stored up inside when they don't know what, or how to forgive.

Suppressed angers and resentments became tinted lenses through which we see God and the world. Matthew 6:22

In any area where resentment, bitterness or judgement is lodged in our heart against our parents, our spirit is darkened, and our relationship with God is restricted.

We grow into adulthood, but we don't put our childish ways of thinking, feeling, or seeing behind us. 1 Corinthians 13:11-12

Ideally the parents role, and especially fathers, are to build each child through love, care, nurture, encouragement, discipline, teaching, holding accountable, and drawing limits and boundaries. Unfortunately this isn't always the case, and even if you had a perfect father a child's perception doesn't have to based in truth.

The image of an uncaring parent is projected upon God. When a client asks the following questions:

Why would God allow this thing to happen to me?

Where was God when this occurred?

Why does God hate me?

We do not have to defend God. We need to ask he/she "What were your mother and father like?"

"I'd Better not make a mistake or else!"

The above response is made when the parents heap blame and fear on a child as they are
growing up. When the child becomes an adult, he/she has a bitter root expectation that
God will treat him/her in the same manner. He/she cannot relax or be spontaneous with
God. He /she becomes a protective, defensive, fearful adult.

How does healing come?

Through our ability of discernment, knowledge and the leading of the Holy Spirit we recognize judgements affecting how the client sees God. For some clients it is difficult to see sinful reactions when the parents appear to be loving, and truly nurturing, but remember that judgements aren't necessarily based in truth. Judgements are based in the perception of the child.

Paradoxically, it is easier to bring healing to one who had "bad" parents simply because it is easier for the client to recognize his/her anger, fear, judgement etc.

The client must confess and receive forgiveness for sins against parents. Confessing resentments, bitterness, judgements/condemnations, and rebellion.

Remembering that mother and father are not necessarily guilty. The problem is in the heart of the child; his or her perceptions may not be accurate.

NOTE From time to time we will have a client ask if he/she should go to the parents and tell them that he/she has forgiven them for what they did to the client when he/she was a child? Ask the client a few questions. What would your agenda be in taking this action? Do you want them to say that they are sorry? Do you want them to acknowledge their guilt, and beg forgiveness? If these are the reasons for your confrontation, then you might as well prepare yourself for a big let down, hurt feelings, and a re-stirring of your anger and unforgiveness. The parents may deny the fact that there was any wrong doing on their part, which will leave you worse off then you are right now!

The exception to this would be, if the parents had asked forgiveness for their part in the client's bad fruit and the client was too angry to forgive, or he/she simply rejected the apology. Under these circumstances it would be appropriate to go to the parents and let them know that their apology was accepted.

The client must choose life and a blessed relationship with Father God. He/she must ask the Lord to help change how he/she sees their parents and how he/she sees God.

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Site Last Updated: October 19, 2023